Tag Archives: change

Weighing My Options and Making Decisions

Over the past month I have faced a gut-wrenching career choice. It is the reason I’ve been so out of touch with this site, and for that I apologize. But I’ve finally reached a decision and feel ready to write about it.

Because of a contact I made at a forensics conference this year, I was offered a position at the company for which he works. For privacy purposes I won’t disclose the name, but suffice it to say it is one of the world’s most impressive forensic labs, and that is no exaggeration. It was an amazing opportunity, and one that I thought I would never have. And the salary matched the prestige of the position I was offered – the whole package was mind-blowing. I was honored and more than a little flattered. I almost accepted.

Perhaps a more career savvy person would have jumped at the chance. Perhaps I should have. But I chose to remain where I am, with a significantly lower salary, much less stature and prominence, and a very shaky future. Why? Because of the things I consider important.

For some, money and stature are the ultimate career goals. But for me they have never been as important as doing something I am passionate about and personally invested in. I made a commitment to this field because I care deeply about it and see a great future for it, and I’d like to continue to be a part of it. Maybe that will change somewhere down the line and I will move on to something else, but for the time being I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything close to what I set out to do, and the thought of abandoning those goals at this point in my life made me unbelievably sad.

There are many challenges I face on a daily basis in my current position, some of which seem insurmountable at times. But I don’t want to be a quitter – not when so much is personally at stake. I want to give it my best shot. I want to be able to look back and say I tried, even if things don’t work out. I have to swallow my fear and charge ahead.

This decision has been the toughest one I’ve faced in my professional life. It caused me countless sleepless nights and horrible stress, and I know I was a terribly unpleasant person to be around during the whole process. And I still struggle with the choice I made and probably will for awhile. Did I do the right thing? Was this a smart move? Or was it another rotten mistake? Maybe I’ll never know. All I do know is that I have to move on and take my parents’ advice and not look back. Focus on the good things: I get to stay close to family, be in a city I love (love to hate, at times!), and work with animals. I can have the satisfaction of keeping a job I fought tooth and nail to get, despite all of its problems (and there are many). I can be a trendsetter and a pioneer. I can start things that have never been done before. I will not have to be just another nameless cog in a wheel.

The frustrations will be many and there will be lots of times I just want to give up – this I know. But I won’t. I have ideas and enthusiasm for this. Whatever this becomes will be a direct result of what I make happen. I am determined. And I have a lot to learn. I am scared, but I will survive (I think).

I thought I’d close this post with a video that sums it all up. Those who know me know I am a Phillies fan for life, and hold a special place in my heart for legendary sportscaster Harry Kalas who left us far too soon. He was an amazing person, and hearing his voice reminds me of summer nights as a kid with my dad, watching the Phils battle it out. Kalas is well known for singing a song called “High Hopes” by Frank Sinatra, and whenever I struggle with sadness or frustration, it is my go-to mantra. It is a very fitting song for this occasion.

Onward and upward.

Click the link below to sing along 🙂

http://youtu.be/PzpJisfYNKA

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
Hes got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin’ low
‘Stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

 

When Life Kicks You in the Ass

So, it’s funny that two of my last posts, especially the one on January 6th, involved thoughts on my goals for the new year ahead. I was looking forward to a lot of great things. But yesterday, seemingly as a smack back into reality, I was laid off. Slam, went the door in my face.

All that remains of my career for the last 4 years

That sad-looking box of stuff is what I carried out of my company for the last time. It constitutes a huge portion of my life for the past four years. That stuffed elephant stared at me from the top of my computer every day. Those pictures reminded me of family and my dog and of good times. I even have a sports bra stuffed in there from when I would go running on my lunch break. It’s all I have to physically show for many years of a three-hour-per-day commute, many headaches and stress, and much learning and growing. And I haven’t been able to bring myself to empty it yet.

Sounds strange to listen to myself say that overused, cliche statement “I never thought it would happen to me” but I really didn’t. As much as I disliked my job and even said that I sometimes wished this would happen, it really SUCKS when it does. It’s a huge loss – a loss of not only a paycheck and a title, but a loss of confidence, security, and self-respect. A loss of a lot of freedoms and things I took for granted.

I have been rather aimless today as the reality sinks in. I am now an unemployed graduate student. That is my new title. But it’s only temporary, and I realized last night as the phone calls and text messages came in that through it all I was able to leave a legacy, however small. I made some good friends who care and who are sad to see my empty cubicle, or “hamster cage”, as I used to call it. That means the world to me. Over the past few years I have begun to realize the importance of those relationships. They will sustain you when the well seems like it’s run dry.

It’s not the end of the world. End of an era, yes. But not the end of who I am. I even mentioned in my post on January 1 that I was going to attempt to venture into new realms this year. At the time I had no idea this would happen (a bit of foreshadowing, perhaps?) and I had no idea the concept may be forced upon me. But this could prove to be a true turning point. Who knows. For sure it is a learning experience. NEVER take anything for granted. I’m glad that I was somewhat ready in case it happened, although it was still a bit jarring. It’s like I’ve been taught in all of my forensics courses, when you think you’ve found all the evidence, think again. Don’t be over-confident, because just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, i’s dotted and t’s crossed, you can accidentally turn over a chair on your way out the door and find a bullet casing you missed. Okay, maybe a silly analogy, but you get the point. Your great ride can end in a New York minute, and you can find yourself staring at a tiny box that holds the last few years of your life.

Let the new journey begin. This brings about a lot of changes that I wasn’t completely expecting (although I did have a sneaking suspicion it may happen), but it will be okay. Perhaps this wasn’t a giant slap in the face or kick in the ass, but merely a tap on the rump in the direction of a new beginning.

For any of you out there going through a rough time, keep this in mind….

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Read the rest here.

Onward and upward, my friends.